Tips In Raising Happy Kids

From the Nestokid Grow Happy Kids event I attended last month, there was a talk from Ms. Rizason G.T. Ng, a cild psychologist form Ateneo Bulatao Center where she discussed ten factors how to grow happy kids. These factors were from her kids and also from real life experiences.

As a child, I have a lot of questions growing up that made me compare my life to my friends. My parents were strict but my dad was unreasonable. He doesn't accept any valid points which is why at some point in my life I have instilled in my mind not to be the parent that he is. And while listening to the talk, I began to realize that, this was really what he lacked as a parent. 

In general, all we need to do is to value life. In order to do that, we must respect each and everyone including our children. No matter how young they are, we must value their choices because in return, we also get respected. That is how she generally sums up having happy children. So how do we really grow happy kids?

1. Validate the child. We should show the children that they are important in our family and that they have roles to portray. In this way, they know that their existence serves a purpose. 

2. Encourage. Do you know the feeling of having one-sided talk? I do. So instead of shoving your thoughts/ideas to our kids, it is better to let them express their thoughts, encourage them to voice out their opinions and feelings. We also need to encourage them about their interests instead of telling them their ideas are worthless because it makes a lot of difference in their confidence as a person. 

3. Interact. In this age of social media, most of the parents are in their mobile phones and gadgets. But what our children really needs is our physical self. As parents we must show interest in their lives  so that they will turn to us instead of other people. We need to give them our time more than anything else.

4. Involvement. Our children needs to feel they belong to a family. The simplest way of doing it is involving them in house chores. As what I always say. "The family that does chores together, stays together." It somehow gives them that sense of accomplishment that they did something for the whole family and took part in the house. 

5. Rituals/Family Practices. We need to develop something that will make them remember what we bond of. It doesn't necessarily mean expensive but something that is a common ground where the family and kids can interact with each other. It may be barbeque nights on a weekend, movie at home at weekend, or just simply walking the dog at the park is enough. 

6. Organize. This is a continuous work in progress in our family. I try to be organized as much as I can at home because it really affects the well being of kids. If you are cluttered, everything else follows. Let us teach the children how to clean up so that when they are on their own, they will know how to organize their life in general. 

7. Express/Language of Love. Please know that every person if different and they also differ in love languages. As parents, we also need to accept the uniqueness of our children as well as their love languages. One child loves quality time while one loves giving gifts. It really varies even though they came from same uterus. 

8. Perspective/Child's Point of View. Let us stop being all about ourself and as a parent. Sometimes we need to fill in their shoes in order to understand them. Let us not expect that a two year can function like a 15 year old kid. And a 5 year old kid cannot make sound judgements like a 16 year old. So we have o fit in their shoes as to their "whys" in order for us to address them properly. 

9. Presence. Our kids doesn't need expensive presents on special occasions. They don't need to be tagged on our photos on Facebook but what they really need is our precious time. We need to be physically present in almost all their special occasions so they will know they are loved.

10. Self-Care. This goes by the saying, "we cannot give others what we don't have." As a parent, we tend to overdo everything but once we get burn outs, we tend to be crazy sometimes. As an effect, we tend to scold the children most of the time because we haven't pressed that reset  button yet. So once in a while, we need to got out at least to breathe fresh air away from the kids. This is just a way of letting out the steam from being at the top of our toes.