It is with a heavy heart that I will write this blog post. But since I have been putting it off for years already, I might as well publish it now. This has been sitting in my drafts for too long. But everytime I read it, it sounds really bad because it has just too much hate in it and I don't want that kind of post here anymore (if I have, apologies).
This might be a little TMI (too much information) but I assure you, what I am sharing here is just part of it. I believe this might be of help to those who are/might be going through the same situation and prevent it at some point.
Not everyone knows (because I really do not like sharing it) that I grew up in a pessimist family. Well, sort of a parent only because my mom eversince was an optimistic person. I thought growing up that way was the normal kind. Everything we do and try to do is just not right nor allowed. My siblings and I had only one support in everything we do and that is coming from my mom. Most of the time we saw them fight over matters with regards to parenting because dad is not the supportive type of father. He has the level 999 kind of paranoia. Why am I even sharing this? Because I am a parent now. As much as possible, I would like to raise happy kids by being a supportive mother in everything they do. I don't want them to have regrets in life as well as castration. I don't want them to suffer tough love because they might see it wrongly and there is too much hate in this world already. Basically, I want to be the better parent to my children. But you know what? I thought it is easier said and done. It is hard. Oftentimes when I hit rock bottom, I become my father. I didn't like it because I don't want my children to hate me when time comes. As much as possible I would like to do positive parenting to my children. I am just thankful though that they have an optimist father. He reminds me to be positive in everything we do and reinforces the children whenever needed. I also love that he is more compassionate than me. Yes, that is the sad reality, because you know it's vicious cycle. But hey, I am trying my best right now to do away from whatever I grew up with because now that I know best, I should know better and do what is right.
What I learned from a pessimist family? ALOT.
* Life is not fair. You probably know this already because who else doesn't? You know my dilemma was? That my friends has all the liberty to do what they want and I just envy them because they have full support from their parents. While I, have SLIGHT. Mom was there to support me but she was afraid to do so because at some point it will be the fuel of their argument later on. Example? Educational Tour. My dad won't let US but mom thinks it's beneficial to us. Of course it is that's why it is called an educational tour for a reason right?
* Finish studies without hurdles. When I hit college, all I can think of was to finish it with flying colors (at least) and get a job ASAP. My mind was so tortured already from all the negative minds because all I wanted was a relaxed state of study but it just won't happen. Example again? My peak of concentration is at 3:00 in the morning. No matter how I try my brain to smack with facts from my thick books, it just wouldn't absorb it. So I had to wake up at 3ish for the knowledge to be properly stored in my brain. Then here comes my pessimist father who would accuse me of doing something illegal because I am up at 3:00am. Seriously? NOT FUN.
* Be an adult. Having only one parent who has an open mind and sound judgement was hard. We were like prisoners and victims of wrongful judgement all the time. I had to break rules for the benefit of my studies most of the time even if how hard it was to be judged and accept the consequences of it. I had to or else I will not be able to graduate college. I was thankful of it because when I had a job and living on my own, making sound decisions was never a hard one for me. But right now, being a mom is a different story. I have to make sure to consult the husband all the time and make decisions based on a common agreement.
* Have a broad perspective. THIS. My dad has dwelled too much on the negative that the news he sees, reads and overhears every single day means getting out of the house is dangerous. I mean danger is inevitable but that doesn't hinder us from exploring the world and see the beauty of it. That's why, as much as possible we take the kids to most of our trips. We want them to see the beauty of the world as early as possible.
* Love unconditionally. I am not saying that he never loved us, but what happened growing up was everything else has its condition. We were like puppets that if we do this and that he will be proud of us. Our interests really differs and he didn't bridge the gap we had instead he built a wall and got stuck there. He makes choices for us despite us having ours. He bashes all of our decisions because he thinks he does better than us. Again, I know where he is coming from. But now that I am already a mom, as early as when my children could understand I try my best to let them choose and decide on their own even if it means my daughter wants to wear rain boots on a summer weather and wear hat inside the house.
* Support. THIS TOO. Out of all we do, from my recollection, he only supported us 20% in my entire existence. Yes, that bad. NOT. Again, I didn't see it wrongly instead I was challenged to do good and be creative in my own little way. As a parent, we try to support whatever the children does. It can boost their confidence and have a happy disposition in life.
That's all. I could go on and on but I only shared some as this might be a long post and I don't want to bore you out. I know we have our own stories to share only different. So what's yours? Share yours in the comment section below and let's have a chitchat.
